When you see an accent over a letter (it is always over a vowel) - you simply accent that letter. Make it louder.

If there is no accent over a letter, then the normal accent is usually on the vowel before the end - as in AntOnio, or cervEza.

But when you see an accent, it changes Málaga into MAlaga, rather than MalAga.

Simple, innit…

Talking of accents, two expats had only been in Benalmadena for a couple of years, and were having a bit of a discussion about how Benalmadena should be pronounced. BenalmAdena? BenalmadEna? BenAlmadena?

They go into a restaurant, and decide to sort this once and for all, so as the waitress comes over to them, they say

“Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”

The blonde waitress leaned over, flashed her clevage and said in a great Essex accent, “Burrr-gurrr Kinngg…”

We looked in the newspaper, and made a list of the bars that were advertising that there was live entertainment, and planned out a sort of pub crawl around Fuengirola.

First on the list was the Brigadoon bar. This is located in Las Rampas, right in the centre, in a bar that at one time was a swingers bar (so I am told!), and handy for the car parks. So off we went. There is a notice on the door, saying that the bar opens at 7:30, and another that says that the entertainment starts a 9:30. But at 9:45, there wasn’t a light on in the place. And the owners, despite paying for adverts in the paper, couldn’t even be bothered putting a notice in the window to say why they were closed. Customer service, Spanish style. Marks out of ten, none. And we won’t be going back there, because they will probably be closed next time as well. And if they can’t be bothered, we certainly can’t be. So, our recommendation for Brigadoon - avoid.

Next on the list was Moochers. The room was packed with diners. We were met at the door by a friendly member of staff, who asked how he could help us. “Can we just get a drink?” “Sure, just make your way towards the bar” - the subtext of which is, please don’t take a table! Which I think is fair enough, since four diners will put a lot more in their coffers. There weren’t many seats in the bar area, but we found a couple, and settled down to watch the band. “Monkey Puzzle” consist of a pianist / vocalist, playing electronic piano, supported by a drummer and bass player. The music was a very enjoyable set of modern music, and covered stuff like Micheal Buble, Stevie Wonder, and other smooth, stylish songs. The pianist had a very pleasant, jazzy voice, and could pull out some nice chords from the piano. We would have stayed longer just to listen if we had better seats! A quick glance at the menu showed that, amongst other things, there were two set three course meals, with a choice of dish on each course, at about 15 Euros and 22 Euros respectively. The food looked good. We plan to visit again, with friends, and take a meal there.

We moved on towards Sals Paradise, a stoll along the promenade to the west. Sadly, when we got there - no lights again! Even though they were advertising in the paper that week. However, at least the management had taken the trouble to put notices in the window, saying that they were re-decorating. So we will try there again.

After the stroll, we needed a drink, so we called in at one bar, which had entertainment on at times, but nothing that night. A pleasant chat with the owner, who told us that they had karaoke on Saturday evenings, but cut down on cabaret during November, but it would be back again soon. He was saying that they had problems, as had all the other bars in the area, with property owners complaining about the noise. I have never understood that - these people buy a property over a block of bars, then are surprised that noise comes out of them. It’s not like the bars came after the apartments, I could understand that. I can’t see why people are surprised that, if you have a dozen bars underneath the apartment that you are planning to buy, then you will probably get some noise from them. However…

Next we took a trip to a bar just on the other side of the town centre, a short walk from the Pyr Hotel. This was Linda’s Bar, about two blocks east of the Pyr, and a block inland. The first thing that I noticed as I entered, especially after the conversation at the previous bar, was the “airlock” at the front door, to keep the music inside. In one corner, was a guy playing the guitar and keyboards, and singing. This was Switch. From the name, I assumed that we were going to find a band. But there was no disappointment, because the music was great. The songs were songs that we would all know, but cleverly played out. The audience loved it. This guy, quite rightly, appears at a number of different venues along the coast, so we can recommend both him, and Linda’s bar! Both worth a visit

I assume that a stone had hit the windscreen, I slowed but couldn’t see any damage.  Then the plastic window surround on the window beside me exploded - there is a lot of hunting up here, someone must be shooting at the car - I slowed down a lot more.  Just as well.

A sheet of hail dropped down, the stones got bigger and bigger until some stones were fist sized.  I am not normally frightened by weather, but this time was different.  Not the usual rattle of hailstones, this time every bang was like a hammer blow on the car - and on the windscreen.  You can tell it was bad, even the Spanish drivers had stopped.  It wasn’t just ordinary hail, but fist sized blocks of ice dropping out of the sky at full speed.

It seemed to go on for ages.  I was convinced that something was going to come through the windscreen.  I know that they are strengthened, but this was like stones hitting the car.  Parked in the middle of the road, flashers on, no-one else around me able to move either, I slipped between the front seats and moved to the middle of the back seat - just to be on the safe side.  One hit the screen, I could see cracks all across the windscreen, but then the cracks slid down the windscreen, and I realised that the hailstone had exploded across the windscreen, but the windscreen held.

Eventually, it died down, and turned into a torrent of rain - like being in a shower.  I crept back into the drivers seat, and slowly edged my way down the road.

When I finally got out of the car, I could see at least 2 dozen dents on the bonnet, boot, and roof, which looked as though the car had been hit by a hammer.  The car is very old, so it is going to have to live with it’s injuries. But they are quite impressive.

One of my fellow workers also had the same damage to his car, but he lost a windscreen.  Luckily for him, it was a hire car.

I know that there were injuries, and hundreds of cars damaged.  I am convinced that anyone caught in the open in the area where I was would have been killed, you can’t take that kind of damage to your head and get away with it.

And some people come here for the weather!!